Day three water fast. "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

It is the evening of day three and im feeling physically great. My mind on the other hand seems to be going over my past and re-valuating my life. There's parts of me that I need to change. For example worrying.. i worry too much and more so about been 'attractive'. I went shopping with mum and she got her usually chocolate and i saw my reflection and my thought was 'get some sweets/chocolate' I didn't let it stick in my mind for long though, but it made me realise how I try and use food as a way out from facing up to my emotions. Emotions can be so difficult sometimes, sometimes I feel like i don't even know myself. Like im in a unknown body and I have no idea whats best for me. Which is when i know i should turn to God, when i feel so uncertain and ashamed of who I am and what I've done. Which is where i strengthen my faith in lord jesus. Only he is my way out I know that, but i have trouble believing it some days. I feel awful saying this but its like sometimes i wonder if im addicted to feeling depressed. Im so fearful of been generally happy incase  I lose it all. Im thinking the sadness in my mind is from all the self abuse over the years and now im water fasting i have to face up to my 'demons' .I know it wil make me a better person in the end. Just need to ride out the storm. As jesus would say " where is your faith?'