Its the evening of day four and im feeling slightly weak.My mind is much calmer today and my teeth appear to be healing, they are whiter and stronger which im really happy about. I find fasting ok so long as im able to be still its when i go out food shopping with mum it can be slightly difficult. I come to realise depression is a part of life and instead of me running from it, i should accept how i feel and wait out the storm knowing God will be there when the storms over. Sadness, anger, jealousy and bitterness are all apart of this life but doesnt mean they need to 'produce fruits' its learning to accept my feelings and saying Ok God im feeling rubbish right now, but you know what I wont let it conquer me. Ive come to realise that eating food doesn't put in a better life situation it just covers the cracks. This applies to other things drugs , alchohol etc. Its all an illusion. The only truth is found In God. I pray that God keeps me motivated through this fast and I start to practice what I preach, i seem great at giving advice but learning to do it myself its a different thing entirely. Im like my own worst enenmy.
Today ive been reading a great book called a lineage of grace, by francis rivers. It really helps me to understand the bible more, more so Ruth and other old testiment characters. I also have realised counting the days left, the days fasted wont help me at all. Unless its day 21 then all the days might aswell be the same. This is a journey of self improvement not a counting game. I also am finding i talk mum less for example with mum in the car i was more than happy to sit in silance, not in a sulk far from it, i just love to sit quiet, normally im a person who needs to be doing stuff all the time. But now im just happy sat there just happy been alive. When i fast my desires seem to shrink and I dnt want much, just peace and quiet. Which has made me realise how little i actualy need to survive.
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